“I AM a fighter. And I kicked cancer’s ass.”

Words are powerful. They have the power to pick us up, and the power to put us down. Ali from Denbighshire was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2015. In our first ‘language of cancer’ blog, Ali explores the words that helped her through and just a few of the conversations that didn’t.

Ali:  I am a fighter. I did kick cancer’s ass. I’m proud to be called a survivor.

I know that for a lot of people those statements could be irritating, or even upsetting.

Like all the words we loosely throw around about cancer, no two people will react to them in the same way.

Words like ‘fighter’, ‘battle’ and ‘survivor’ really are like marmite – you either love them and desperately hold on to them to help you through, or you hate them for their ability to put you down.

I never had any issues with describing, or having other people talk about my cancer as a fight.

I was a single mum. Hearing the news that I had cancer terrified me. For my child, my parents, my friends and for everyone I held dear and my own sanity, I really needed to see this as a fight.

While I know many people don’t like the fighter language, for me it was something to anchor myself on.

It helped me to square my shoulders, to come out swinging, and to take some control over my cancer diagnosis and treatment. It helped me stay positive.

Yes, like everyone who has gone through this I know full-well that cancer is not something that is fought. It is an illness. It is treatable, or it is not.

Outcomes vary widely for every individual, and how we react and how we cope also varies widely as well.

That is why it is so very important just to have a normal, everyday conversation with the person with cancer. Let them lead it a little, and together you can find the language that works best.

For me, it was words of sympathy or pity that frustrated me the most. It left me feeling as if I was being written off, as if my cancer and its treatment was something beyond my control.

People were forever saying “sorry”. What for? They had no reason to apologise.

I was forever being told anecdotes from people who knew someone else who had cancer, usually about ‘how they got another type as once you have had cancer you are more prone to getting another’. I really didn’t need to hear it. I had quite enough to deal with already!

It really is all about the individual. There is no right or wrong answer. While I class myself as a survivor, I also know all too well how the term itself can hurt.

My neighbour and I ‘battled’ cancer at the same time. She too battled hard, strong and with a positive outlook. But she ‘lost’.

It never really is about losing or somehow winning, and I’ve always felt so much guilt when I see my neighbour’s sons. So much guilt that I’m still around but their Mum isn’t.

They have never been anything but supportive. Through all my projects they have been by my side to raise money for Macmillan and to honour the memory of their Mum. But the guilt is still there.

Words really are powerful. Some pick you up just when you need it. Others can make you feel down and could even stop you asking for the help that you need.

But for me, I preferred it when the people around me talked about fighting cancer, about fighting it together. It helped me feel like I had them in my corner when I needed them the most.